I was inspired to write this week’s blog after coming across a t-shirt slogan whilst I was lured online looking at the Black Friday sales over the weekend!
I found myself down the rabbit warren of mindless scrolling … then after probably close to an hour it dawned on me that there’s nothing I actually want or need, and I was bored of it all!
Interestingly, this year here in the UK and on social media, I’ve noticed quite a revolt against Black Friday and Cyber Monday, which very much goes back to my blog from a couple of weeks ago on ‘consuming consciously’ … Whether or not it was a coincidence that I wrote that just before these huge sales, I am really pleased to see many other people coming from the same angle.
My personal take on it is that these sales are great if you have something specific in mind that you’ve been wanting or needing to buy, and so you wait for Black Friday because you know you can get a really great price – for example a new TV or winter coat etc. Or if you’re really organized you could take advantage of the sales and do your Christmas shopping early! Otherwise it’s all too easy to buy stuff that you really don’t really need just because it’s a ‘good deal’.
But back to the topic for today…
The t-shirt I saw online in the sales was from Topshop and it said:
Feelings come, feelings go, feelings come, feelings go, feelings come, feelings go, feelings come, feelings go…
The whole front of the t-shirt was full with this in repeat and I thought it was really fun and actually quite a poignant reminder…
Our feelings do come and go ALL of the time!
Yet, when we’re in the depths of a really strong negative emotion, it certainly doesn’t feel like it will go!
You feel like you want to be anywhere other than right there feeling it! And we often reach for distractions or things to take away, numb or supress the feeling … we want to escape it.
But we all know that these feelings do of course pass…
Otherwise that first teenage heartbreak would still be plaguing you but now you can look back and just see it as part of life’s ups and downs and you’re probably pleased it didn’t work out!!
Or maybe you can think of a time in your life when you were over-joyed; maybe the birth of your child or grandchild, or your graduation, or wedding day …. Yet I’m sure there came a point after that occasion where you went through a really difficult time and those joyous feelings were nowhere to be seen (or felt)!
It is important to honour your feelings and to feel them. I often talk about this because if you don’t process your feelings, they will fester inside you and with nowhere to go they will most likely cause some form of physical or mental ailment over time (– which is why forgiveness is so important for yourself more so than others)!
But it is equally important to remember that feelings dissipate…
As the saying goes:
“This too shall pass”
A good friend of mine said this to me years ago when I was going through a really difficult breakup and even though I felt like there was no way I’d get over it at the time, of course I did.
These days, when I’m feeling in the height of a negative emotion I always remind myself of this quote … “this too shall pass”. It doesn’t make the feeling go away but it does allow you to be more accepting of it and to soften in to the feeling, knowing that it won’t last for ever.
There is something else that I learnt quite a few years ago that has served me so well and it’s one of the rules I try my best to live by:
That is to never to act on something when you’re stuck in a negative feeling. Always wait until you feel more level or positive and then once you are calmer you can reassess the situation and decide what you want to do.
Point to note, you can even say to someone that you need a little time or space to come back to them if someone is waiting for you to resolve a situation.
It’s almost certain that you’ll act differently from a calm place and you may even find there’s no need to act all!
And lastly, whilst you’re feeling down, do whatever you can to soothe yourself and to feel the feelings…
Some simple but effective ways to do this would be:
- Journaling or ‘brain dumping’
- Deep breathing through the nose
- Stretch your body
- Change your state – have a shower or bath, go outside
- Exercise
- Get out in nature
- Drink a glass of cold water
- Listen to some music
- Meditate
- Take a nap
- Cry
- Speak to a friend, coach or therapist
- Be around pets/ animals
- Sing or laugh out-loud
- Get a massage
- See if you can reframe the situation
Feelings are what make the human experience so satisfying and worthwhile plus the full range of emotions provides us with contrast (– if you didn’t know how sad you could feel you would know the contrast of how happy you can feel). Yet you are not your feelings because by their very nature they come and go.
So, when in the depths of a deep negative emotion, remember this too shall pass, and know that you can probably help yourself out of it faster with some good self-care and time to process and release.
Love,
Kate x
