This month’s question comes from Richard:
Hi Kate,
How can I stop overthinking and the tendency to assume the worst or focus on the negative? I realise this causes me additional stress, but I find it hard to stop.
My Answer:
I’m going to start by saying that we have more control over our thoughts than we realise.
Thoughts are just that; they’re not real but we often find ourselves being a slave to our thoughts and then feeling a certain way based on what we’re thinking.
What’s great Richard, is that you’re aware of the fact your thoughts are more negative, that you’re overthinking things and that this is making you more stressed. Awareness is the first step or agent to change and now you can do something about it.
It’s also very helpful to put a name or label on what’s happening, so you know it’s not inherently ‘you’, instead it’s something you’re doing, that can therefore be changed.
In this article, I’ll give you some specific tips and tools that you can do when it’s happening. Then in the broader sense, I’ll give you some advice on why this might be happening to you and how to avoid it in the future.
Before writing this post, I asked Richard if we could have a quick chat to help me answer this question better because I wanted to find out if he’d been dealing with any significant stress and how well he’s been looking after his wellbeing.
The reason for this is because when we’re stressed out, our lens will be focused on potential threats and over time this can lead to being more negative and cynical and there’s a greater chance of worst-case scenario thinking.
Richard shared with me how he’s had a very tough past two years working incredibly long hours under high pressure whilst working from home during the pandemic, but also going through a divorce.
Not surprisingly Richard sounds fairly burnt out.
So, already, we can see what’s played a huge role in his mindset shifting to one of overthinking and negativity – he’s been living with chronic stress and it’s completely normal and to be expected that his brain will focus on potential threats and worst-case scenarios in that state.
Then factor in incredibly long working hours causing chronic sleep deprivation, hardly any exercise, barely any time for himself or any kind of fun or social interaction while juggling working and parenting young children part-time – all these things worsen stress levels.
Also, as Richard’s stress has continued for a considerable period of time, we need to consider the likelihood that he’s rewired his brain for more negative thinking patterns.
This is neuroplasticity: the brain’s ability to modify, change and adapt both structure and function throughout life and in response to an experience.
The good news, however, is that you can also rewire the brain for positivity again, but it will mean Richard, that you need to actively reduce your stress levels and then also practice reframing your negative, stressful thinking patterns on a consistent basis.
Here’s how to start doing that…
When I spoke to Richard, he realised that he’s been on his own far too much, due to WFH, living alone, working such long hours and that the isolation was also allowing his thoughts to spiral.
So, we discussed going into the office again 1-2 days a week, even though the long commute feels like somewhat of a hassle, the benefits of the social interaction and separation between work and home are beyond worth it.
Richard also has a nice pub close to home and several friends living nearby, so he’s decided to set up after work drinks a couple of nights a week to get out of his flat and be around friends.
Then there are a couple of specific tools I recommend to help with the worst-case scenario thinking:
A Thought Record Sheet is a Cognitive Behavioural Therapy tool which is easy to use and yet works really well to shift a negative or stressful perspective to a more realistic one.
The term for worst-case scenario thinking in CBT is ‘catastrophising’ and the Thought Record Sheet helps you to reframe your thinking by taking you through a series of questions in a specific order that, by the end, makes you have a more balanced, healthy perspective.
The second tool I recommend is to self-reflect whenever you catch yourself overthinking, thinking negatively, or going to the worst-case scenario and then ask yourself what might have led to that happening from a wellbeing perspective:
- Am I tired?
- Have I eaten properly?
- Have I drunk enough water?
- Have I had too much caffeine or sugar?
- Have I been stuck indoors for too long?
- Have I been too sedentary?
- When was the last time I did something relaxing?
- Do I need a break?
Lack of sleep, rest, physical activity, food, hydration and/or too much sugar, caffeine and stress can all directly impact your mindset and make you more anxious, irritable, worried and cynical because they are a stress to the body.
The third practice I recommend if you catch yourself overthinking or feeling negative is to get outside and go for a walk, ideally in nature.
This isn’t just to take a break and get fresh air although both are important and helpful.
Moving in a forward motion is calming for the brain due to the way the eyes move laterally as they continually refocus and take in the surroundings. This quietens the amygdala (the brain’s fear centre), which creates a ‘tunnel-vision’ way of thinking when we’re stressed – a.k.a overthinking!
Therefore, moving forward tells your brain that there’s no threat ahead, which allows your mind to relax.
Additionally, time in nature has been shown to calm you by stimulating involuntary attention as opposed to directed attention. In other words, you’re more in the moment paying attention to what’s around you (mindful), rather than being laser-focused on one thing – in this case, perceived problems.
Studies have also shown that being in nature (as long as it’s a place you feel safe) can lower blood pressure and stress hormone levels, reduce nervous system arousal, increase self-esteem, reduce anxiety and improve mood.
When feeling low, we might not feel motivated to get up and go outside, but it’s worth pushing beyond that resistance because the odds are hugely stacked in favour of you feeling much better once you’re out and continuing to feel that way afterwards.
There are many more tools and techniques to help with overthinking and negativity but based on Richard’s situation these are things I would initially recommend.
Of course, it also goes without saying that seeking professional mental health support may also be important or necessary.
I chose Richard’s question for this week’s Q&A post since it’s Mental Health Awareness week here in the UK. If you or anyone you know is dealing with mental health issues and needs support here are some brilliant resources:
The Samaritans: https://www.samaritans.org/
Mind: https://www.mind.org.uk/
CALM (For men specifically): https://www.thecalmzone.net/
Work with me:
Much of my work with clients involves mindset work – both looking at what you might be doing that contributes to low mood or a stressed-based negative outlook (for example poor eating habits, sleep issues, a sedentary lifestyle, lack of rest etc) as well as identifying specific lack-based, skewed thinking patterns.
We will typically then work on lifestyle and behavioural changes as well as using specific tools and techniques to help reframe thoughts, which, over time, rewires the mind for more positivity and optimism.
If you feel you might need some support and you’re interested to find out more, book a consultation here.
Kate x
