This week’s podcast episode came directly from a real client story, one I shared on social media a couple of weeks ago. What stood out to me was how much response that post received. It was noticeably more than usual, which told me this is a pattern a lot of people recognise themselves in.
So I wanted to explore it in more depth, because it’s something I see all the time in my work and yet it often gets missed, especially in the wellbeing space.
That pattern is this: how doing all the “right” things can sometimes make people feel worse, not better, particularly when it comes to wellbeing, health, performance, productivity, and overall personal growth.
A Client Story (You’ll Probably Recognise)
I’m going to share a client’s experience here, without any identifying details. While this is one person’s story, there are many variations of it that I see playing out again and again.
This client initially came to me because they were experiencing high levels of stress and struggling with their sleep which was then affecting everything else in their life.
One of the things they were trying to do at the time was Robin Sharma’s 5am Club. They wanted help doing the 5.00am routine “properly” and consistently, alongside improving their sleep and reducing stress.
They were already doing some version of a 5.00am routine, and some mornings they managed it, other mornings they didn’t. On top of that, they were:
- Taking multiple supplements
- Using various health and wellbeing gadgets
- Doing a daily workout as part of their morning routine
- Walking every day
- Playing team sports multiple evenings a week
They also had a very demanding job, were managing family investments, studying, had children, and genuinely wanted to be a present partner and parent.
From the outside, this person looked disciplined and high-performing. But once we looked at everything going on in their life, it was immediately clear to me that their nervous system was completely overloaded, which explained the stress and sleep issues.
When “Healthy” Becomes Too Much
What stood out most wasn’t just what they were doing, it was the pressure they were putting on themselves to do all of it, and to do it perfectly.
This is such an important point.
Just because individual wellbeing strategies can be helpful on their own doesn’t mean they’re helpful when they’re all stacked on top of each other. That’s often where things start to work against a person and do the opposite of what they were aiming for.
I also don’t believe that if someone is struggling in one area of their life, you should only look at that area in isolation, like sleep in this example. You need to look at the bigger picture, because usually it’s a combination of things creating the problem(s). And it’s very common that people get stuck in a vicious cycle where different habits and pressures lock them into the very issues they’re trying to fix.
The Problem With “More Is Better”
We live in a modern Western culture where there’s a strong belief that more equals better.
We’re surrounded by ‘optimisation culture’, where productivity, wellbeing, and high-performance blur into one constant source of pressure. The answer often seems to be adding something else: another habit, another tool, another strategy.
As I’ve also shared on recent episodes and articles, when people are stressed, that stress actually drives them towards more intensity and control. So slowing down and stripping things back can feel uncomfortable, or even unsafe, because rest can feel like a loss of control.
If someone has been living in this state for a long time, coming out of constant sympathetic nervous system activation can feel very unfamiliar, and rest can feel alien.
The Real Work Looked Very Different
The work I ended up doing with this client looked very different from what they expected when they first signed up. But if I’d told them that from the outset, they probably wouldn’t have liked the idea, so it took some time.
We worked together on and off for over a year, with some breaks along the way. Those breaks usually happened when work became very busy and they paused the coaching. During those periods, many of their habits would fall away simply because they were stretched so thin.
They’d then come back feeling depleted, frustrated, and disappointed with themselves for not “keeping on top” of their wellbeing. And what they wanted in those moments was to get back on top of everything again, usually by going to extremes.
This cycle is very common.
When people feel out of control, especially those with ambitious or perfectionist tendencies, they often respond by trying to regain control through intensity. But what this client actually needed wasn’t more discipline, better hacks, or new strategies…. it was less pressure.
Why Simplifying Often Works Better
So when they came back in that state, my role was often to remind them that our goal wasn’t optimisation. It was reducing stress and pressure, while still supporting their health and wellbeing in a realistic way.
There’s a bigger pattern here.
Many people develop what I call an addiction to busyness, and they start confusing effort with effectiveness, which are not always the same thing. If something adds stress and pressure to your life, it’s very unlikely to support your wellbeing, no matter how “healthy” it looks on paper.
I’ll say this time and time again but: it’s the small, simple things you can do consistently that create the biggest shifts.
For many people, simplifying feels like a downgrade. But in reality, simplifying often improves results. Fewer habits mean more consistency. Less pressure allows the nervous system to calm down, and that alone can be hugely beneficial.
For a lot of the people I work with, simplifying their lives changes more than any new routine or tool ever did. Of course, I am a fan of effective tools and techniques, just not too many of them!
If This Resonates With You
If you’re reading this and recognising yourself – maybe you’re trying to do lots of wellbeing strategies all at once, trying to do them perfectly, and your wellbeing feels like a job in itself, it’s not that you’re necessarily doing things wrong.
It’s more likely that you’re doing, or trying to do, too much.
Often, the most supportive thing you can do for your health (and performance) is to stop adding and start asking:
- What actually makes the biggest difference for me?
- What genuinely calms my body down and makes me feel good?
- And what can I let go of?
Many people are overdoing it, especially those living very busy lives, and that overcommitting tends to show up across all areas of life.
Kate x
