For me this past week has been quite intense but in a good way – I started with lots of momentum and got the ball running on a number of exciting projects I’m working on and also for my own health and wellbeing I unexpectedly joined a new local gym that I’m super excited about!
… It was a classic case of: you put something out there that you want, take steps to make it happen, but even if you feel like you can’t get it or find it, let it go (or as some might say give it to God/the universe) and somehow it will happen … and often times, better than you could have imagined!!
… It’s exactly what has happened for me.
Long story short, as this is not the main focus of this week’s blog, but I am starting a 4-month detox as of Monday! I’m actually doing a candida cleanse, designed by a Doctor who is an expert in the field and has been researching and working with clients with candida for over 25years.
I do know that I’m pretty fit and healthy, but I’ve always had an inner knowing that my body may be quietly battling candida … truth be told, many people are! As the Dr I’m working with says, if you want to know if you have the fungal (problematic) kind of candida, you need only look at whether or not you’ve ever been on antibiotics!
I won’t go into all of the whys today, but one of the protocols of the detox is to sweat 6 days a week in either a sauna or hot bath! So, I’ve been looking for a gym with a sauna that was close to home for convenience. The gym I’ve just signed up with is so close and I’ve known about it for years, but what I didn’t know is that it had a complete revamp a couple of years ago, along with the addition of a sauna – and it couldn’t be more perfect for what I need, in fact it’s better than I imagined.
I’m obviously doing this candida cleanse for my own health and wellbeing but I’m also doing this as an experiment. I have a suspicion that candida is responsible for many of the physical and mental health issues people experience, so over the next few months I will be updating you on my experiences, my progress and hopefully the transformations that occur!
But back to the focus this week – I’m talking about self-trust.
This is something that has been coming up in a number of conversations lately with friends and clients.
Put simply I’ve noticed a pattern in both myself, my clients and a number of friends …
Which is this:
If you regularly let yourself down – i.e. you say you’ll do something for yourself or others but then you don’t, then this leads to a major lack of self-trust.
It sounds so simple and pretty obvious right, but I don’t think the people who do let themselves down on a regular basis realise quite what an impact it’s having on them and their over all life.
I heard my close friend say the other day; “Oh you know, and I was late ….again, typical me, and so now I’m going to have to tell them that I can’t post their present until next week now – in true ‘Claire’ style’…”
In many respects she right, I’ve known Claire (not her real name) for many years now and she’s super creative and to others her life may look a bit chaotic, she’s juggling lots of balls and she’s an artist and oftentimes she does do things at the last minute.
The main point is though that Claire is often very stressed and feels like she’s constantly letting herself or others down and she also struggles with her self-confidence in certain areas of her life. All of this stress and rushing then leads to overwhelm, which then leads to procrastination, worry, rumination, asking people’s advice etc etc.
Recently, we were talking about something she was stressed about, and it dawned on me in that moment, that if you constantly let yourself down or don’t keep your word (to yourself or others), you will of course have a lack of trust in what you’re capable of, what you can achieve, what you can accomplish and even who you are as a person.
And in addition to that, you will feel shame, guilt, self-loathing on a regular basis.
Letting yourself down can be devastating to your own self-worth.
It’s also a big coincidence that I was listening to a podcast this week and the subject was on the book The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz, which is a book based on ancient Toltec Wisdom offering a ‘code of conduct’ that can, if followed, lead to more freedom, happiness and love.
It’s no surprise, that the first ‘agreement’ is: ‘Be impeccable with your word’, described as:
“ Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.”
There are many things to take from this, however the one that relates most to self-trust is in saying only what you mean.
If you identify with what I’m sharing today – perhaps you feel a lack of self-trust, maybe you find that you’re always late or having to change/cancel plans, or you might set goals or make promises to yourself or others that you don’t keep, here are a few things that can help.
These are things that I do myself, that I get my clients doing and also things that I’ve shared with my friend Claire.
1. Commit to one small thing that you do soon after waking, and do that every day without fail. It could be drinking a glass of water, getting up at a certain time, journaling, stretching, meditating, exercising, deep breathing, a cold shower etc … Choose something that is relatively easy to do and it has to be something good for you.
In committing to this every day and doing it first thing, it builds self-trust and then sets the tone for the rest of your day… If you can stick to one thing, you can stick to other things as well. You start the day feeling motivated and like you’ve already achieved something. This builds the muscle of self-trust.
2. Schedule your day, week, month etc in advance. I can’t emphasise this enough. It’s one thing my friend Claire rarely does and therefore she usually just refers to a long to-do list that she looked at every day! She also has quite an irregular schedule with lots of different things on every day, so you can imagine she’s often just responding to what life throws at her around her to do list!
For example, say on Monday she knew she had to run an errand in town, call her Mum, drop something off at a friend’s and then finish a piece of artwork. But she didn’t think advance when she’d call her Mum or how long she’d be on the phone. She planned to go into town before the shops closed at 5pm but also decided to stop off on the way to go into a shop spontaneously – which ended up taking an hour of her time. She gets to the shop at the last minute, feels under pressure and stressed, gets home, hasn’t eaten lunch because there wasn’t time in the end. Called her Mum on the way home in the car but then forgot to stop at the shops to get some food. Gets home, tired hungry, doesn’t have much in the house to eat and is now under pressure to finish the artwork. Then a neighbour pops round for a chat and takes up an hour as they both chat over a cup of tea. So now it’s 7pm and she has to finish her artwork and she hasn’t eat dinner yet! The feelings of the mounting pressure to finish the artwork and her hunger make her feel really anxious, she tries to finish the artwork, but the tension means she just can’t focus and let things flow. So, she eats some leftovers but it’s not really satisfying and decides to go to be early and set her alarm for 5.30 so she can get up super early to finish the artwork!!
….I could go on and on with scenarios like this, but you can probably feel the stress mounting yourself! If Claire had planned her week out in advance and then every evening looked at the upcoming day, she would have been able to set specific time frames to do each task on her to do list, she would have known she didn’t ‘have time’ to stop enroute to the shops or spend an hour chatting with her neighbour because it would have thrown her timings out.
Planning your time out REALLY helps you stick to your word. You are being proactive with your time rather than reacting to what life throws at you.
3. Think of your words as a contract: If you were upheld to the words you use how would you speak differently? Imagine that there would be serious implications if you didn’t honour your word, would you have a problem with being on time for example? … Probably not! What you would do is think very carefully before you committed to something.
Try pausing before you respond to something and really think about what you say and what you say yes to. Imagine there were a serious implication if you didn’t keep your word – perhaps a hefty fine! See what happens when you spend a day doing this … you should find you are far more choosy about what say and what you commit to!
4. Lastly, check you’re not taking on too much and over-committing. I know for me this is my biggest problem, or has been, I’m getting better at it! But I have a habit of estimating how long something will take me and somehow it always takes me far longer than I imagine!
So, there are two sides to this: Firstly, if you plan out your time as in point number 2. you should be far less likely to take on too much because you have a much more realistic view of what you’re spending your time on. Secondly build in buffer time to get everywhere early or if you’re working on something, add on additional time in case there are any delays. I’ve found usually always need that extra time! Lastly, for those of us who are perfectionists, learn to stop when something is ‘good enough’.
If you resonated with this blog I really recommend you give these tools a go…
The planning your time out in advance is such a game-changer if you don’t do it already. I also know that really considering your words and thinking of them as a contract can have profound results.
Test them out and let me know how you get on in the comments below!
Love,
Kate x
