For the month of April, we’re going to be talking about ‘toxic’ people.
This is something I’ve been keen to write about for a long time now given that these individuals can have such a harmful and negative impact on a person’s life.
Personally, I’ve dealt with more than my fair share of these types of characters and I wouldn’t be exaggerating when I say that this issue consistently comes up with approximately 75% of my clients.
Whether dealing with a difficult colleague, boss, friend, family member, partner, or ex-partner; this subject affects many, many people.
Difficult, toxic people can bring you down emotionally, mentally, and even physically. They can leave you feeling drained, anxious, unhappy or worse, emotionally destroyed, bankrupt and needing professional help for PTSD or C-PTSD.
Dealing with toxic people is usually very challenging, especially if they are close to you. In this blog post, we’ll explore how to identify them, and then over the coming month, we’ll look at how to deal with them.
How to identify toxic people:
Toxic people can be anyone in your life, from family members to co-workers. They are individuals who exhibit a pattern of negative behaviours and attitudes, including:
Narcissism – They are typically self-centred, arrogant, and believe that they are superior to others but there are more covert types to learn about and look out for … Read more about narcissism here.
Manipulation – They use their words and actions to control and/or dominate those around them either obviously or covertly. They usually do this to feel a sense of power and/or to get what they want.
Criticism – They are always quick to find fault in others and often devalue the people closest to them or those they’re secretly threatened by. Their outlook is typically one of cynicism and negativity.
Envy – They feel jealous of others’ success and happiness and can undermine them through obvious or more sneaky, scheming ways. Look for passive-aggressive comments and always pay attention when you come away from an interaction and something someone said keeps playing on your mind because you can’t quite work out if they were being offhand.
Drama – They typically thrive on drama and create chaos and conflict in many of their relationships. They also always believe they’re the victim when in reality they’re usually the perpetrator.
Rage – They are quick to anger and can be explosive in their behaviour. Think Jekyll and Hyde – one minute they’re being nice and the next minute it’s like you’re dealing with an entirely different person. They can also fly into a rage over the smallest perceived slight or criticism.
Addictions – They often have one or more addictions, and they always need to be distracted by something – they cannot ‘be’ with themselves. In truth, they are constantly running away from facing their real self and core shame.
Identifying toxic people can be challenging, as they may not exhibit their negative behaviours all the time and it’s also important to bear in mind that most people can exhibit one or more of these behaviours especially if they are under a lot of pressure and stress.
What you’re looking for in identifying what we’re referring to as a toxic, difficult person is a pervasive pattern in some or all of these behaviours.
Beyond their behaviours, I think one of the most important things to pay attention to is a person’s energy.
You’ve probably heard the phrase or advice to pay attention to whether someone’s actions match their words – and that is a very important and telling thing to look out for when trying to identify toxic behaviour.
However, a person’s energy never lies – ask yourself if a person’s baseline energy typically feels somehow mean, empty, or fake.
In conclusion, toxic people can have a profoundly negative impact on your life. I truly believe it’s an essential life skill to know how to identify and deal with them effectively, and so, over the next couple of weeks, we’ll be looking at strategies that can help you protect yourself and maintain your well-being when dealing with toxic people.
If you think someone in your life might be toxic and you feel they’re having a detrimental impact on your wellbeing, get intouch to schedule a complimentary consultation where we can discuss your situation and I can help you protect yourself and move forwards. It’s so important you assert strong boundaries and learn how to manage or keep these types of people out of your life. The real work lies in looking at where you need to grow and what you need to heal so they can’t impact you moving forwards.
Kate x
