We all have these stories, but are they true?

One of the things I’ve really been struck by when working with clients and equally in my own life, is that so much growth is possible purely and simply by changing the way we look at things.
Yet, how often do you actually challenge and question your own thoughts and beliefs?
At a guess I’d say not very often at all unless perhaps when you’re confronted by something that gives you a major reality check?
When I first start working with a new client I always have to spend a lot of time highlighting and challenging the ideas, beliefs and thoughts that come up during sessions.
It’s amazing how we can get hold of a belief and it then becomes so ingrained in our minds that we don’t even question it anymore. It’s literally just there in our subconscious affecting how we perceive things but we don’t even know it.
We even say it out loud to people without questioning it which just reinforces it all the more and then the feedback when get from the people we tell reinforces things further, they may even start saying it on your behalf as well!
I hear clients say things like: ‘Oh it’s because I’m not very good at …[fill in the blank]’…
Like a new client of mine, recently sharing with me on a number of occasions that they’re not very good at cooking and preparing food.
And yet now they’ve started thinking about food and making it more of a priority in their life, it’s glaringly obvious to me that they’ve actually got a real talent and passion for it!
…All within just 3 week’s worth of coaching I might add!!
But even still, on our most recent coaching call this week, they were saying to me that they’re not good with food whilst simultaneously sharing some delicious, inventive lunches they’d prepared for themselves! At which point I had to say quite sternly:
“Hang on, watch your words! Look at what you’re saying here, is this actually true?”
Another example would be when someone says to me that they lack the willpower to exercise on a regular basis, yet when I look at why that is, it’s often because they haven’t ever truly carved out time for exercise or created a proper routine.
…Well if you don’t set aside time and just rely on when you have nothing do to and feel like it, you’re not really going to get far! But many people don’t see this and believe this lie about themselves… and feel bad about it.
Another one would be when someone says they don’t feel good about their appearance yet they don’t do anything to look and feel their best as they are right now.
I completely understand that if someone who feels bad or lacking in a certain area may choose to look away from that part of their life because it hurts, but then by doing this they’re actually feeding into the story and making it true rather than doing something to turn it around.
Going back to my client, by thinking she wasn’t good with food and cooking she’s pretty much avoided cooking for the majority of her life, which has then led to making poor food choices and eating lots of ready made meals, easy processed foods and take-aways …
Thereby filling her body with rubbish and substandard food and ultimately affecting her health.
Yet given a fresh perspective, some good advice, a confidence boost, a little bit of tough love plus some goals to meet, already in such a short space of time she’s really got into it and now I actually see someone who has a huge amount of potential in this area!
…Crazy right that she could’ve spent her whole life believing a lie and never finding out that the opposite is in fact true!?
In my own case, there have been so many instances with my business where I’ve had a preconceived notion of what I’m not good at. But when I’ve been pushed out of my comfort zone to do that very thing, I often see that it’s precisely what I thought I wasn’t good at, I’m actually really good at!
But if I hadn’t been pushed or inspired to move beyond my comfort zone, and try the thing I found a daunting, I never would have known.
So today I want to ask you, what’s that something in your life that you think you’re not good at, or perhaps it’s something you feel lets you down, something that you wish you were better at?
Of course there’s a chance that you might be right, but for a moment just question where that belief came from…
Ask yourself, is it actually true?
…Really think about where you’ve got your evidence from.
Could it in fact be a lie that you’re telling yourself?
Because you might just find that it’s the very thing you’re good at and, just like I predict for my client, it could end up being one of your big passions in life!
…As far as my client goes, she just said to me this week that she’s interested in learning how to season and cook foods like they do in French restaurants! So I’ve set her a longer-term goal of attending a cooking course, which she sounded really excited by!
You see, we have these stories we tell ourselves, but it’s so important we question them because there could be a whole other side to life that’s out of sight but it might just be where the gems are … waiting for you!
Love,
Kate x