Last week, we looked at the invisible pressure many people carry – the internal checklist of wellbeing “shoulds” that rarely seem to get ticked off. This week, I want to go deeper into where that pressure comes from, and why it sticks around… even when your intentions are good.
Because here’s the thing: most people I work with genuinely care about their wellbeing. They want to eat better, move more, rest properly, and take care of themselves. They’re smart, capable, and committed. The problem isn’t laziness or even that they’re too busy, it’s that their approach is often built on poor foundations – ones that don’t really support long-term change.
Here are some of the most common reasons people sabotage their best intentions and end up carrying the invisible weight of ‘shoulds’:
- There’s no real plan — just pressure.
You know something needs to change. But instead of creating a simple, doable structure, there’s just a vague intention hovering overhead. “I need to start exercising again”, “I should be meditating.” Without any clarity on what that looks like – when, how, how often – the pressure lingers, but action rarely follows.
- You’re aiming for perfection instead of consistency.
An all-or-nothing mindset is one of the biggest blocks to sustainable wellbeing. If you can’t do the full 60-minute workout, you skip it. If you can’t eat ‘perfectly’ all week, you give up. If you can’t keep up a simple routine, you sign up for a big, unrealistic challenge. This pressure to “do it all, and do it well” is exhausting … and unnecessary … and I’ll even go so far as to say, counterproductive if your true desire is to support your health and wellbeing.
- You’ve set expectations based on a different season of life.
One of the most common patterns I see is expecting yourself to keep up with what you used to do before having children, before this job, before life got more complicated. You’re holding yourself to a standard that no longer reflects your reality, and then feeling frustrated for not meeting it.
- You’re waiting for the right time, energy, or motivation
Here’s the truth: we rarely feel like doing the things we know are good for us – especially when we’re tired, stressed, or overwhelmed. Relying on motivation is a trap. What actually creates momentum is building tiny, manageable actions into your routine, so they don’t depend on willpower alone.
- You assume it has to be intense to “work.”
There’s a deep-rooted belief in our culture that unless it’s hard, it doesn’t count. That the path to improvement has to be gruelling. But the science, and my experience with hundreds of clients, says otherwise. The biggest shifts come from small things done consistently.
- You’ve never taken the time to design something realistic.
This one often underpins all the rest – so often, people know what they want to change… but they never stop to actually create a plan that fits their real life. The intention is there, but it floats around, creating a lot of guilt but no progress. It’s like trying to follow a recipe without ingredients, steps, or a cooking time.
If any of this feels familiar, know this: the problem isn’t you. It’s the unrealistic expectations you’ve internalised, and the belief that anything less than “all-in” isn’t worth doing. It’s not stopping to create a realistic plan — one you can test, tweak, and make work for your life. And it’s waiting until you “have time” or “feel like it” — a moment that rarely, if ever, arrives, which leaves your efforts sporadic and unsatisfying.
In next week’s article, I’ll be sharing a real-life client story about how we found a simple, realistic way to fit mindfulness into her busy mornings – easing her anxiety and setting a more positive mindset for the day ahead. If you’ve ever felt stuck between wanting to feel better and not having the headspace to make it happen, you won’t want to miss it.
And if you’re realising that your self-care expectations are weighing you down more than they’re lifting you up… this is the kind of work I do with clients every day. I can help you build something that actually works for your lifestyle, your energy, and the season you’re in – email: info@katehorwood.com to find out more.
Kate x
